Not sure what it is about me that inspires people to point out my personality flaws so often.  I mean…it’s not like just one person decides to share these kind of things with me.  Generally, they are people that I think are honest and rational.  Am I that bad of a person that others feel compelled to inform me of my shortcomings?  It would have to be pretty bad….I’m trying to think of someone bad enough that I would say things like this to…and I honestly can’t.  So how can I not see it.  I’ve always thought that if a person was genuinely nasty, they knew it…they just didn’t care.  But I do care!  I certainly don’t want to be a bad person.  There are only so many times you can say ‘It’s not me….it’s them’ before you really have to evaluate that statement.  Logically, it can’t always be everyone else.  It has to be me.  If people who are otherwise honest and good say things things….then it must be me.

Some of it I can’t really do much about.  The bad mother thing.  It’s not like I can quit being a mother.  I’m the only one my kids have.  No one else can step in and do it if I don’t.  I just have to hope and pray to be better….but honestly…if I can’t even see what makes me a bad mother even after it’s been pointed out to me, what chance do I have of that happening?

The other things…that I am untrustworthy, unchristian, graceless, terse, etc…..maybe that means I should step down from things.  From dealing with people.  If those things are true (and it seems they must be) then I have no place working with other people.

So I’m not really sure where to go from here…..what to do with myself.  Why can’t I see it?  If I’m so bad that other people feel compelled to say these things, why can’t I see it?  If I’m trying so hard to be good and do good, surely there should be some sign to myself…something I can see before someone else takes it upon themselves to let me know I’m basically not fit for human company.

This entry was published on October 6, 2009 at 2:30 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “crushed

  1. Please don’t let these people get to you. Your impact on the people around you is far more positive than these negative nasty people will ever understand.

    You are one of the few genuine people I know. Please don’t ever change.

    (Oh and the mom thing? You do so many amazing things with your kids. So whoever is saying that bad mom thing needs a reality check).

  2. Rebecca, I am doing the Beth Moore Esther Bible study at church. This past week’s lesson was about It’s Tough Being a Woman in a Mean World. I read Romans 12:17-21 and thought about ALL the mean people I know. Then I was impatient waiting for Scott in Walmart the next day. Almost . . . mean. Then when I was working my 12-hour shift at the hospital Sunday night, I felt like one of my co-workers just picked at me. Kinda like an aggravating gnat that just won’t leave you alone when you are busy working. Beth Moore’s take on this is to look at the source or root of their words. I’m almost scared to finish the Bible study since I am testing both sides of the equation. Keep your head up and keep moving forward!

  3. People burn me up with the drama they inflict on others and the self-rightous attitude they project. You are a great mom….if they want to look for bad mothers – go to Walmart and see the ones who smack and yell at their kids using language not appropriate for public let alone children. You have well-behaved, intelligent, creative children – you don’t get those without being part of their lives and, having rules and being a role model. The other statements are just garbage. You give of yourself, your time and your resources all the time You don’t do this for the fame and fortune but becuase things need done – you care. What type of person calls another unchristian – who are they to judge – by what standard do they make this statement. Sounds to me like the person making this statement has a low self-esteem and can only make themselfs feel better by trashing someone else.

  4. Marianne on said:

    Looking back over the years of raising my children, would I have done some things differently? Yes, definitely. But I really feel I did the best job that I could have done at the time. One thing I did on many occasions was to tell them I was sorry – like when I got really angry and yelled at them or punished them more than I should have. I’m sure they would say today that I didn’t apologize often enough, and maybe that is true also. Being a wife isn’t easy either, trying to put another person first over myself is extremely difficult and a test for me every day of my life. Simple things like last night fixing dinner for him when I am sick and won’t be eating anything myself, making sure the laundry and cleaning is kept up even though I work 40 hours a week, too, etc. All any of us can do is what we feel we should be doing – not what others think we should be doing.

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